Being Buried Quite Alive Now
by EtherealPhoenix
Summary: John falls in love with a patient of his, Dave Strider. Unfortunately, Dave is sick and dying. This is a chronicle of their doomed relationship. Rated T for some language and potentially distressing content. Sadstuck, slightly based on the album Hospice by The Antlers.


Your name is John Egbert, and yesterday your whole life self-destructed before your eyes. Several weeks ago, you made one of the best and worst decisions of your life. You fell in love with a dying, sick patient.

From the first moment you met Dave, you could tell he was sick. He always had been sick, this was the reason you were his home visitor. You pushed all this to the back of your mind, however, and let yourself fall in love with him anyway.

Over the last few days, he'd gotten sicker. He started having erratic mood swings, cursing and screaming at you with one breath and then sobbing, begging for your forgiveness with the next.

Two days ago, you fell sick. You couldn't move out of bed to do your job, to see your beloved. The thought of him trapped in his bed, possibly enduring another mental breakdown, possibly screaming at nobody, screaming for someone to help, made your skin crawl. But there was nothing you could do, so you rested and waited, dreading every single time the phone rang.

Your name is Dave Strider, and right now there's nothing on Earth that you hate more than yourself. You're sick, and dying, and you've never been more scared and alone than you are right now. Your home visiting doctor and boyfriend, John Egbert, was sick. You knew it had something to do with your own illness, and you began to despise yourself for it. This was all your fault! As you sat there, musing on your condition and shaking, you heard a knock at the door and saw another man come in. This man looked..too much like John, and his jaunty, upbeat face was not helping matters. "'Ello, chap!" the man chirped. "I'm Jake English, and i'm filling in for John today." You wanted to scream, you wanted to leap out of bed and demand to see John, you needed him!

You look up at him and weakly murmur. "Where's John..? What have you done to him?!" Your voice rises in volume, getting angrier with every word. Jake quickly looks taken aback. "I haven't done anything, chum.. Unfortunately, he's sick so I have to cover for him."

Over the course of the day, you repeatedly lashed out at this new man, cursing at him and throwing whatever you could find at him. You screamed and begged for John until your voice was hoarse, your eyes bloodshot and tear-stained. Later that night, you weakly grabbed your phone and dialled his number. After a few seconds of agonized waiting, he finally answered. "Dave..? What's going on, sweetheart? I heard that you haven't behaved very well towards my colleague today.." he sighed.

You slowly begin to cry, feeling like you've betrayed the only person who means so much to you. "I-i'm so sorry, John..I was just..so scared, and desperate.." you hiccup. "I feel even worse today, it's like i'm dying.."

You hear his comforting voice on the other end of the line. "Dave..calm down, i'm here now. And don't say that, okay?! You're gonna be fine! We're working on getting you treated, we can do this, I promise you!" You can hear a hint of desperation and fear in his voice, before he eventually begins to cry as well. "I'm sorry, i'm so fucking sorry.." he whispers.

"John.." you whisper into the phone. "I'm so tired but..i'm so scared. My head's pounding, my stomach feels like it's on fire..please..I need you.." You begin to sob as you beg for him, until he speaks up. "I'm sorry but I can't.. Dave, I can't go out.. My doctor said I have to stay in while tomorrow, that i'm..too weak.."

You let out a weak "Goodnight." and murmur how much you love him before hanging up the phone and trying your best to sleep.

Your name is John Egbert, and it's the evening after you've been given the all-clear from your doctor. In your excitement, you've rushed off to buy some of the prettiest flowers you can, and are now on your way to your boyfriend's house.

As you walk into his house, the deafening silence hits you right in the head. "Dave..?" you call out, becoming worried.

You run into his bedroom and nearly throw up with grief, dropping the flowers. On the bed lays your beautiful, eternally sleeping, sickly pale boyfriend.

Tears begin to fall from your warm blue eyes as you crawl into bed besides him, hugging him close and not wanting to ever leave his side. You'd be perfectly contempt with waiting here the rest of your now empty life, dying by his side. You bury your head into his chest, sobbing out your apologies, screaming in utter anguish. You bring your face up to his and kiss his forehead, your tears staining his sweet, beautiful, cold face.

"I'm sorry.." you whisper, hoping that he can hear you.

"I love you..so much.. But I feel I loved you in a most thoroughly useless way.."


End file.
